querying part 1: writing a compelling query
common issues, tips, and frequently asked questions
Countless people have shared advice on writing queries, and while I certainly don’t know everything, I’ve critiqued a good amount of fiction queries and wanted to share some common issues I’ve encountered, tips for perfecting queries, my thoughts on some frequently asked questions—and the query that I found representation with.
Credentials: I’m an agented writer and Pitch Wars 2018 mentee, and have donated query critiques to DVpit, Books for Maui, and Books for Palestine.
Disclaimer: I’m just one person and my approach won’t work for everyone. There are queries that break the rules and still succeed. There are great queries that are skipped over due to various shitty reasons. Here I’m hoping to offer generalized suggestions on the query itself to hopefully help writers put their best foot forward.
part one: the basics (skip if you’re not new to this!)
I recommend reading Jane Friedman’s post about how to write a query letter if this is your first time, as it provides comprehensive information and crucial dos and don’ts.
A brief overview:
When reaching out to literary agents to seek representation, a query letter is an introduction of your story to entice them to read the story itself and hopefully want to take you on as a client. In general, the word count shouldn’t go over 450 words.
Elements in a query (that don’t need to show up in this sequence):
Housekeeping details—title, word count, and genre are essential. Including comparative titles shows you know the current market. Contests this book has won and flashy things like editor interest, etc also go here.
The hook—a description of the story, somewhat like a back cover, that entices the agent to read the whole story. This should be 150 - 300 words, with more leeway for speculative fiction that requires world-building.
Personalization—specific reasons for querying this agent, which could be an element they’ve expressed interest in, their previous request to see this manuscript (via writing workshops or social media), or referrals from their client.
Author bio—who you are briefly, focusing on objective accomplishments (writing degree, writing-related job, previous publications) relevant to publishing.
In this post, I’ll mostly focus on the hook.
part two: common issues
Here are big issues I often find myself bringing up when critiquing queries:
Saying too much while also saying too little
Sometimes despite finding interesting things in a query, I don’t have a clear idea of what the story is about. Generally this stems from either including too many details and subplots that distract from the main plot or not describing things in enough depth to provide clarity.
Too much backstory and too little plot
Although backstory is important for us to emphasize with the main character, I sometimes see queries where there’s detailed backstory followed by a main plot that feels too vague or thin in comparison. This can make it unclear what actually happens in the story, make it come across as uninteresting, or create confusion as to where the story starts.
Too much plot and not enough emotions
Most queries I read have character backstory, but need more work for the reader to not only empathize with them, but also correlate this emotional arc with the external plot. Two causes: One, the backstory needs more depth to establish what the character wants and needs or an internal obstacle that needs to be overcome. Two, the emotions are dropped as the query progresses, with the external plot losing connection with the main character’s internal arc.
part three: tips for perfecting your query
Before tips, let’s establish what, to me, is the purpose of a query. It doesn’t have to lay out everything that happens or is discussed in the story. It doesn’t even need to stick to the exact sequence of what happens.
All it needs to do is convince the agent to want to read your opening pages. This means presenting a clear and cohesive narrative that displays the central aspects of the story and ends with compelling stakes.
This requires a character who wants something, why they want it, and why they deserve it. It needs obstacles that threaten what they care about, force them to face difficult choices or daunting trials, and conclude in stakes that create suspense and anticipation—what will the protagonist choose? will they be able to succeed?
This doesn’t require every theme, subplot, and interesting world-building detail; in fact, doing this might blur your main selling point, AKA, the most marketable aspect.
This brings me to my first tip:
1: Write an elevator pitch to figure out your selling point
What’s the main selling point of a story? What’s its central narrative? Tackling the query directly can lead to being lost in the sauce. After all, knowing so much about our stories means everything feels important. But if you force yourself to sell your story in a single sentence, it’ll help you figure out the most marketable aspect of it.
2: Reverse engineer the query from its stakes
Whether it’s the main character being caught between two impossible choices or facing unconquerable odds or being in the dark about something that could mess up everything for them, the stakes need to be clearly defined and built up to both emotionally and logically to make an agent care enough to read on.
Therefore, if you’re having trouble deciding how to write your query, I suggest first figuring out the stakes you want to end the query on. Then, everything in the query before that point is about fleshing out the contributing elements.
Using The Hunger Games as an example, I might present the stakes as: There can only be one victor of the Hunger Games, and Katniss must decide if she can stomach going home to her sister at the cost of killing Peeta.
For these stakes to land, we need to understand what the Hunger Games are, why Katniss has to go back to her sister (which is emotional but also pragmatic), and why she’d hesitate at killing Peeta (which requires understanding their relationship). These are the things to hone in on—not Rue or Cato or Haymitch.
For writers who have a too-short query—it’s fine if the query is short, as long as it’s compelling and the stakes are established well. For those with the opposite problem…
3: Trim and abbreviate
While it can be difficult to pull out elements you so painstakingly wove into the story, it really helps with both word count and clarity to ruthlessly cut characters and subplots that don’t feed into the final stakes.
Characters that can get by without being named don’t need to be named. Many subplots can be cut without disrupting the main plot. Subplots that do affect the main plot can be circumvented or abbreviated if the logic of what remains is clear.
Even for the main plot, we don’t need a play by play. Instead of listing the clues the protagonist follows, we only need to know they followed a string of clues to a particular conclusion. Instead of listing every factor that convinced enemies to work together, we only need to know one irrefutable factor.
Additionally, if it benefits the query’s flow and clarity, it’s okay to not stick to the exact plot sequence. (But if you’re tweaking events in a way that’s untrue to the plot to make it more compelling, that could signify the story itself needs these changes.)
4: Be specific and succinct
A common problem I encounter in queries is saying too much while also saying too little. On a line by line level that usually comes from giving a lot of description that doesn’t end up being specific enough to deliver information. One of the biggest pitfalls is atmospheric wording that ends up being vague and unclear.
(Eg: she unearths a devastating secret doesn’t actually tell the reader anything, since we need more information to understand the gravity of this discovery.)
Aside from combing through to eradicate vague wording, it must be remembered that giving away some spoilers in the query can entice the agent. Despite a lot of advice saying to imagine the query as the back cover of a book, usually a query reveals more details. Ensuring an agent is hooked enough to read on takes precedence over their reading experience being maybe marred by knowing a couple of spoilers.
Ideally, you want to present backstory and world-building details in succinct phrases that also paint a picture. That seems like a tall order, but as mentioned in a previous post about line editing, sometimes the reason we overwrite is because we’re floundering for the perfect phrasing that can replace an entire paragraph.
5: Just some final tips
Can someone who hasn’t read the story get a clear sense of it from the query? Sure, some weird stuff is happening and it’s a horror, but is this chills down the back of my neck slow burn horror, or is it limbs flying around R-rated gorey horror? There’s romance and death games in the query, but does the emphasis they get in the query reflect the actual happenings in the story?
Lots of advice suggests three paragraphs (set-up, events happen, final stakes), but I disagree. Shorter paragraphs are easier to digest and I love a standalone first line that really delivers a punch.
Get a mix of people who’ve read the story and those who haven’t to read your query! People who know the story can offer more exact suggestions, while those who don’t will be more objective in determining that’s clear on a first read.
Don’t be impatient. Writing a good query is extremely difficult, but you spent months, maybe years writing and revising your book—take a few more days or even weeks to make sure your query lives up to the story it’s selling.
part four: but what about…
Here are some questions I’ve been asked or have seen writers worry over, and how I feel about them.
What comes first: hook, personalization, or housekeeping details?
It’s a good idea to research agents’ individual preferences, but if they haven’t expressed any, it’s unlikely they’ll mind either way. (Besides, would you want to sign with someone who’d reject a query for having the right information in the “wrong” sequence?) I tend to include personalization into the housekeeping paragraph.
My only strong suggestion is this: if the story has a major selling point, start with that, so the agent knows immediately that this is a query to take special notice of.
(What’s a major selling point? Definitely not “my mom/friend/partner/betas loved this story.” Things such as editor interest, the book won a contest, it’s been workshopped by a reputable mentorship, the agent requested it via a workshop or online pitch contest or other means, you have a referral from this agent’s client…)
If this is compliant with the agent’s query guidelines, I might slip it into the email subject, eg: PITCH CONTEST REQUEST or CLIENT REFERRAL.
Do I have to have comps? Can I have comps that aren’t books?
Comparative titles (comps) are a great way to show that books similar to yours have sold previously and to convey the tone or important elements of the story.
The rule of thumb is to comp to books published within the past five years, but my belief is that older stories are fine if A) they’re still read and known and B) not every single comp is “old.” Movies and TV shows also work—Studio Ghibli, for example—but again, make sure you’re not comping only non-book media.
If you really can’t think of any comps, look for books that share elements with yours—such as a similar magic system, romantic dynamic, or plot device—instead of a perfect match. (Eg: the life-and-death games of Their Vicious Games)
If you still can’t find a comp title, it’s okay to omit that. Let the hook speak for itself! A lot of great books are difficult to comp to others because they’re doing things that haven’t been done before. However, it’s worth reflecting whether this signifies a fundamental issue: if nothing like this has been published recently, is it something that modern readers want to read?
On the flip side, it’s fine to not put down every comp you have, as I’ve had the experience of reading very long housekeeping paragraphs that comp so many things it gets difficult to discern what the story is actually about.
How do I write a query for dual or multiple POVs? Multiple timelines?
For dual/multiple POVs, one approach is to mention in the housekeeping paragraph that the story is dual/multiple POV, but focus on only one POVs in the query. That can be the one who comes to mind as the main main character, or the one with the most easily marketable arc. If it’s a found family or heist crew situation, the “main character” could be the team itself, presented with shared backstory and goals.
Including multiple characters can work, but too much and the query becomes convoluted. I’d try to use one punchy line per character for backstory, and possibly progress the plot while introducing new characters. Even so, it’s difficult to have defined emotional arcs for every POV without breaking the word count limit.
For example, Gideon the Ninth if it had four POVs (mild spoilers). The last sentence is inaccurate but I did my best and the point is that this could be an approach to a multiple POV query.
For multiple timelines, it depends on the story and the narrative weight of each timeline. I would try to mention within the housekeeping or hook whether the timelines are interwoven or whether they’re separate (eg: half the book is “past” and the other half “present”) as the two entail different reading experiences. For an interwoven narrative, I’d probably separate the timelines cleanly in the hook to avoid confusion.
What should I put in my bio if I don’t have anything impressive?
In the bio you want to put forth your objective selling points: a degree in writing, experience at a workshop, previous publications, a job in publishing or a related industry, or a social media account with a big following.
If you have none of that, it’s fine. A great bio won’t salvage a bad query, and a good agent won’t care if the story is good. You can still briefly show your personality by mentioning hobbies or other things the agent might connect with.
part five: dissecting the query that got me my agent:
It’s been years and there are parts of this that I’d edit now (for instance, there’s a word repetition that’s making my eyelids twitch) but it was workshopped with my Pitch Wars mentors and bagged me my agent—so here’s a look at it.
Since I had a major selling point, I put the info paragraph first.
This is information the main character doesn’t know at the start; she discovers it a little way in. However, presenting her initial belief would mean I also need to explain how she comes to this paragraph’s understanding, which bloats the word count and creates confusion without actually deepening the reasons to emphasize with her. It’s okay to tweak/omit some details!
This is the first plot point, the moment the rest of the plot slots into place—this should not be where the query ends.
Despite the need to keep things trim, it’s important to convey voice and atmosphere; it’s just a matter of figuring out a wording that isn’t too wordy or distracting, but packs a punch. Here, I decided on an element that felt fun without requiring extra explanation.
Crucial elements that are needed to understand these final stakes, which should’ve been built up to in the query prior to this point, are: Lani’s father’s disappearance, her guilt over it, her bond with her dragon, the danger of blood magic, and why it has to come down to father vs dragon.
Hopefully this was helpful! Stay posted for more on querying—over the next couple months I’ll be writing about synopses and the opening pages.