writing around the edges
on writing while having a full-time job & giving yourself grace
Hello, new and old friends! Today I wanted to introduce myself a little and talk about the struggles of writing while having a full-time job, some tips for doing that, and—very importantly—learning to give yourself grace.
part one: hi, i’m the problem it’s me
I’m Tiffany, and while I’m a third-year resident doctor in Taipei, what defines me at heart is my love of reading and writing. I wanted to be an author in my young teens, until I got smacked by tests and parental expectations and making a living wage.
In between cadaver dissections and memorizing pharmaceuticals, I rediscovered my love for writing and have been working towards becoming traditionally published since 2014. Along the way, I’ve learned some things about craft, publishing, and the joy of writing with friends, as well as silently having breakdowns while at work.
And instead of keeping these anxieties thoughts to myself, I’ve decided to inflict them on a wider population!
part two: shooting people with radiation
That makes my job sound cooler than it is, because being a radiation oncologist mostly consists of staring at innumerable CT scans and drawing tumors on them from 8 to 5 on weekdays (and nights and weekends).
Adding writing to a 50-70 hour work week (depending on presentations and/or tests) and general life necessities (taking care of my cats, keeping my apartment from becoming a hovel, etc)…is difficult at best, and mind-numbingly exhausting at worst.
I barely wrote during the first 1.5 years of my residency, though part of that was due to not connecting with anything I wrote—which was exacerbated by feeling I was squandering free time on something that would never go anywhere.
part three: fitting in writing around the edges
My parents would disagree, but the achievement I’m most proud of was completely rewriting my Pitch Wars 2018 novel in three months while working 80+ hours per week. So I wanted to share some things that help me write while having a busy life.
(Disclaimers: I’m lucky to have a supportive partner, a financially stable job, and to only be responsible for myself and my cats. There are people more busy than me who manage to write more. What works for me won’t work for everyone.)
Here are some things that help me continue writing while I just want to nap:
Outlining scenes: Writing time can be fractured and it can feel insurmountable to churn out something readable in the fifteen minutes before work starts. But quickly typing out the bare-bones structure of a scene can be done swiftly and in bits and pieces throughout the work day. And when I actually have time to write, having that outline helps me to get started quicker and overwrite less.
Outlining, period: Plotting isn’t for everyone! But it’s essential to how I work as a writer. To me, outlining lets me explore a story without having to upend big chunks of it when I realize something doesn’t work. I’m sad to report significant revisions are still necessary, but it does help me create a first draft that requires a bit less revision time (a precious commodity!) before it’s readable.
Word sprints with friends: Words sprints help me push all my concentration into writing, and though it means quicker burnout, the efficiency means I get to go bed earlier. Sprinting with friends adds a level of accountability, though it’s a balance to find someone is dependable to log in when you can, and who gives encouragement but doesn’t engage in too much chitchat. (This is not shade.)
Abandon word count and daily goals: As an overwriter and someone who’d rather ignore a goal than complete only half of it, word count goals mean I end up not writing at all or blathering to reach a number. So I’ve abandoned them, as well as goals such as “write every day.” Instead, I set a weekly goal to allow the flexibility of making things up on a day I’m more up to the task, because not meeting one goal can lead to an emotional cascade of wanting to give up.
part four: the incessant guilt of not writing enough
Having said all that, the truth is there are days, many of them, when I ask myself: Why do I insist on this, when every writing project from conception to completion takes years? When there’s no guarantee of success? When I could have less stressful hobbies? When sometimes I feel like I haven’t slept for days, my laundry is mountainous, and the dust in the crevices of my couch threaten to gain sentience?
Sometimes writing can be so physically and emotionally draining.
We wake up early, go to bed late, write on lunch breaks, type on our phones during commutes. We sacrifice TV time, relationship time, family time, friend time. We type until our eyes are gummy, our fingers creak, and our backs beg for mercy.
And still we feel guilty for not doing enough.
If work/school is busy, then writing isn’t being done. If writing is going well, job/school is being neglected. If both are going well, the tbr list is gathering dust. On some level we know it’s too much to do, yet we feel like we should do all these things. We just have to be more efficient. More organized. More determined.
As if that’s not enough, we’re plagued by the fear of falling behind.
Other people draft books in a month. Other people have agents. Other people have multiple books published. Someone else will publish that exact same idea you’re working on. The publishing trend will have moved on by the time you’re ready.
So we drive ourselves to do more. We set deadlines and to-do lists. And when we’re not accomplishing all these things, we feel like failures, like we’re wasting time on this when we could—should—be content with just being a reader.
For me, the worst part is the worry that all this is for nothing.
I worry I’m running eternally in my hamster wheel, churning out words that will never see a bookshelf, and that life is going to be like this—feeling exhausted and tugged in multiple directions—forever. I mull over the unanswerable question of whether, even after that ultimate goal of a book deal, publishing can offer me a living wage and thus more time for writing so I won’t feel so tired all the time.
(Imagine if I ended on this lovely note.)
part five: giving yourself grace
I feel like a fraud in this next part, since I’m my worst critic. But here are some things I try to remind myself of, to lessen the amount of days where writing feels like a terrible pressure instead of something joyful:
It’s okay to be imperfect: I’m learning to allow myself to cut loose the things that matter less. It’s okay if my desk is messy; I can find the things I need. It’s okay if I’m not giving 100% at my job; I’m underpaid anyway. It’s okay if I’m not writing every day, because I smashed out a revision in two months and I deserve a rest. It’s okay to play video games tonight, because I can’t write when I’m this stressed.
Social media is an illusion: Social media revolves around glamour and celebration, and it’s easy to feel like everyone else is accomplishing so much. But people rarely share shitty days publicly, and behind every celebration post lies months and years of work. And as much as you might feel lesser compared to some, I promise there are things they envy you for.
Your deadlines are self-imposed: Unless you have a publishing contract, there’s no real deadline to adhere to. “Better months” for querying, going on submission, etc…let’s be real. The difference is marginal and not worth sacrificing one’s mental health. And though publishing young is awesome, there’s no expiration date on being published.
Recognize your achievements even if you don’t reach your goals: Even if it’s little things like “went to the beach,” or “survived a tough work presentation,” my monthly ritual of listing my achievements helps me realize I did a lot despite life happening to me. Try to focus on achievements and goals we can control (finished a revision, plotted a new book) instead of ones we can’t (finding an agent, getting a book deal).
It’s easy to feel like everyone is achieving so much more than you. But I wanted to share an anecdote:
The first time I met my partner, he was shocked I had an agent at then-26. I’d been on submission for a year then, and compared to others agented at the same time as me who had already sold books, I felt like a failure. But to him, someone who loved writing but had never completed a full novel, simply being determined to pursue publishing was something he looked up to.
So don’t compare yourself to other writers. In our own community we feel inadequate but, honestly, wherever you are on this journey—writing your very first thing, a veteran of many stories, and everything in between—you’ve done something many people think of doing but never do.
If we pull back from the comparison and self-doubt and guilt, it’s possible to see that having the passion to dedicate our time to creating something from nothing is itself is something to be proud of.
I love this Tiffany! Thank you for sharing your wisdoms!
I'm so proud of you <3